We talk about truth (satya) a lot in yoga. It's also popular in todays' vernacular to broadcast being "authentic" and "real," but I'm wondering if while trying to express these things (to ourselves and to others) we don't just end up creating more stories that are still less than, well, truthful.
Imagine if you will, one hand you have "your truth" and in the other "your lies." Depending on your level of self-doubt, it is completely possible that what you think is truth might actually be a story you've conjured out of anxiety, depression, and/or ego. The hand holding the lie is actually the truth, and the truth is the actually lie.
So here's the million dollar meditation point, all completely in my humble opinion. It really doesn't matter if you are going to announce your truth to the world or not. It only matters if you are going to be honest with yourself. So making sweeping declarations about the kind of person (you think) you are only have validity if you not only believe them but live them. If it feels conjured, then it's part of a façade.
In Sanskrit the word for lie is the same as untruth: asatyam (literally, "not the truth"). Though this seems to linguistically imply there is only black or white, lie or truth, in reality it is one big gray area. Satya doesn't directly mean truth, it implies truth, or essence. or virtue. Adding the "a-" prefix changes the meaning to be the opposite of. So the context of the word carries the significance.
Same in English, though we do change the words to fit the context. We don't necessarily lie about our own story; we fabricate a story, we stretch the truth, we embellish for effect, we hide fact, we have the sin of omission, we gild the lily, we cast shadow of doubt, we prevaricate, we change tone to suggest we feel shame about something. So our truth carries altered essence no matter what if we aren't paying attention to simplifying, and seeing it through the most honest of lenses.
Sometimes it helps to be accountable to someone else when having a truth check in, like in therapy. Sometimes it complicates the process of finding truth. In yoga, our honesty process involves Pratyahara (withdrawing the senses), Dharana (concentration), and Dyhana (single pointed concentration), so it's very much an individual experience. There is no one else to validate/verify what you are finding. It's even more important then, on this path, to feel at home in your own skin, comfortable feeling vulnerable, and confident to feel, period.
No one "muscles through" the eight-limbs physically or mentally, despite what modern incarnations that show short-cut asana mastery might suggest. No one need to supplicate or suffer at the hands of another, despite what some "gurus" might strongarm from their false pulpits. No one is incapable to doing yoga; there is a way to bring the practice to everyone if the teacher is truthful about their abilities.
As for the practitioner, it is not for me to say by what truth you or anyone else must abide. When someone comes to the mat, all I can ask is that they consider that what they tell themselves may be as much a story as anything else, so just be in the moment and see if their perception of themselves changes. We need to be able to observe ourselves with open minds and hearts before we can know our truth. It's weirdly NOT intellectual. So we find out truth by following the path, by doing the work on the mat (and off), by releasing the need to hold on to any of the "not truths" and we peel back the pages of the stories we've written until we get a peek at what is deep down. We don't need to shout it from the rooftops, or write a song about it, or make some grandiose statement when we find it. We can just be essentially ourselves.
There are many guided meditations you can find online, and one of my homework assignments was to write/record a Yoga Nidra practice. So, I am posting mine here for you to try.
It is just 20 minutes start to finish, but to prepare for this meditation, you'll need to lay down first and get settled (I didn't do a long intro I just went right into it). You can do so on a mat, or a bed, or sit in a chair, but make sure you are warm and comfortable and safe. Ideally you wouldn't need to move, but there are no "points off" for having to adjust if you are uncomfortable.
(Truth be told, I did a two hour Nidra once and I think started snoring 1/2 way through, and once I was bumped awake, realized that the flesh around my tailbone was numb because we were on a wood floor with no props. I don't think suffering through this is the way to go so get yourself comfortable.)
What you'll hear on my very rudimentary recording is me guiding you to pay attention to certain body parts, slowly and methodically, hopefully encouraging a trancelike state of mind.
I feel like this could be used for a good morning wakeup or even an afternoon nap refresher. Let me know what you think!
Fell off the blogging wagon for a day, but I promise you I was practicing yoga without fail. So here's two days worth of updates. I absolutely was Om-ing and trying to figure out what it meant to me as I wander through this week, and today, I came across this gem in A Year of Living Your Yoga
Whatever you do, do it with an open heart. Maybe you agreed to do something, but now you wish you hadn't. If you do choose to follow through in the end, do so with willingness and interest. You will suffer less and so will the others around you.
Each day I wake up a little begrudgingly knowing I made a commitment to post because I'm trying to create a habit of getting my ideas generator used to working more than sporadically. This in turn will help make my classes better, me happier, my life in general more fulfilling, and my family and friends may find me more pleasant to be around.
So missing a day of posting means that I let myself down. Plus I forget any of the juicy ideas that did come up during the experience. They may not be noteworthy to anyone but me, but the ship has sailed once 24 hours have passed. Like having an amazing dream, and not telling anyone or writing it down, and by the next day it's just hazy memories like a partially erased tape or warped photo.
Plus the past three-ish days I have been battling migraines and the medication has left me feeling like I have a swiss cheese personality, so recapturing any of the flashes of insight from yesterday are difficult.
I do remember that the book listed above offered the idea of meditating on thing (person or object or idea) that brings your happiness, and allowing that sensation to fill you. I thought it might be interesting to combine the mental image of this with an Om vocalization. I like the idea of infusing the Om practice with another object of focus - like dedicating the practice to an object of love or happiness. I had chosen my son. However in hindsight I may have been overcomplicating the practice a bit at least as a beginning meditator. I will have to discuss this with my mentor and research a bit to see if chanting and imagery are advised. I didn't get any feedback from the class (yet) so we will see.
The migraine effect continues today, and I was rummaging around my brain to find a way to keep people interested in the Om practice. I brought out the singing bowl thinking that we would use that to guide our Oms, but I forgot that I don't have a striker to elongate the sound, and my foggy head and voice were unable to match the note of the bowl so that my "singing" fell so flat it was comical.
After a few anti-sonorous attempts I croaked out a few Oms but I didn't feel good about them. Directly afterwards I read the aphorism above and laughed quite literally out loud. I mean, I made my best attempt with sincerity, so hopefully no one suffered (more than already was). I meant well, my heart was in it, but my literal pain and drug affected brain could not cash the check!
This post is part apology, part confession, and all receipt reminder for future me when this happens again: keep the commitment, but you don't have to try so hard. I'm thinking don't scramble to "entertain" just stick with what you know. A simple Om practice would have been very grounding me for me, would have worked just as well for the class, and fulfilled the obligation 100% (and I'd feel far less guilty).
Note to self: I really have to find a bowl striker.
I was asked today to offer a blessing before a reading of a portion of the Torah (the first five books of the bible sacred in Judaism), during the Saturday morning service (Shabbat).
Being asked to give this aliyah ("calling up") is an honor, and it was bestowed up me by the Sisterhood of the Synagogue to which I belong, as a thank you for provide community yoga classes last year.
The entire service revolved around Sisterhood members and contributors with both Aliyot (plural for aliyah), readings from Torah, and other prayers, in a beautiful multi-generational collaboration of speaking, singing, and praise.
We had a special guest contributor as well, Allison Leichter https://www.alisonlaichter.com/, who not only spoke eloquently about the weekly Torah story (Parashat) but wove it into a delightful meditation session.
During the service there is a reading and sermon about a story from the Torah. This week's is that of Jethro (Hebrew "Yitro"), the advisor to Moses, and the giving of the Ten Commandments at Mount Sinai. (Check out more about this story here https://medium.com/ifnotnowtorah/yitro-all-night-revelation-6b196bf6e8ab.)
In the words of our Rabbi:
Also, Yitro (Moses' father-in-law) advises Moses to set up a system of judges so that Moses does not have to answer every individual question himself, lest he exhaust himself (“you will surely wear yourself out, and these people as well").In our Torah reading this week, Parashat Yitro, we continue to tell the story of the Exodus from Egypt. The Israelites make it to Mount Sinai and they receive the Ten Commandments. The Exodus from Egypt becomes one of the most symbolic experiences, a defining moment, and an inspiring story in Judaism’s tradition. According to the Talmud, we owe it all to the merit of righteous women for making it happen.
On Wednesdays our Chair Yoga practice usually revolves around strengthening the core, through abdominal exercises (traditional and non-traditional) and exploring the ideas of reinforcing our center. I read a word today that I found intriguing when in comes to describing personal power and strength: resolve. I like the way it implies fortitude and resilience but also a flexibility/malleability, stick-to-it-ive-ness but also level-headedness about itself. Also, a carpet cleaner (respective of nothing related to yoga, but funny).
Bearing that idea in mind, I suggested that everyone perhaps find an affirmation that reflected their own sense of power, whether it be something akin to "I am strong," or anything that was uplifting, to help celebrate, reinforce, and focus on the idea of fortifying our passion and strength.
We sat quietly for 10 long inhales and exhales, with the suggestion to speak aloud their affirmation/mantra, then sit quietly while we waited for the group.
I then read a passage "chair pose" (Utkatasana) and how it embodies this resolve and strength, but also requires an awareness of not putting in too much effort, to understand what your "edge" is.
On the beneficial side, Utkatasana done mindfully is a wonderful energy generating pose that conditions the leg muscles, core muscles, works balance (esp. standing version), builds endurance, mobilizes the leg joints, hips, shoulders, creates mental focus (drshti) and preps the body for more work. It takes practice and mindful resolve to know how, what, and when to commit to each and every action.
There are a number of caveats with the physical posture-including and certainly not limited to being mindful of knee placement and bend, low back position to ensure no lordosis nor slouch, shoulder position to ensure upper back health, head and neck position - and on top of that utilizing the breath to maintain a steady heart rate and keep blood pressure even while not fatiguing the glutes, hamstrings, etc.
Even in a chair, this pose can be "overdone" with too much flexion at the hips, which could create low back issues, strain in the shoulders or neck, or stress the hip flexors. One might start clenching their jaw, round their shoulders, and/or end up creating body alignment that harms rather than helps. A pose of this intesity needs extra mindfulness!
All the sequences and postures I led in class were tied back to power of chair pose. One basic exercise was awareness of the movement of the transverse abs (I can thank my Physical Therapist for that). We had a seated sequence that combined arms overhead, with single knee lifts to target our transverse abdominals. We had a standing sequence that moved us from chair pose, to lunges, to single leg lifts to challenge balance, but also (yes) to target the abdominals and also draw awareness to the psoas.
We even tackled a 60-second plank (class is on Zoom with no cameras to students so I have no idea if anyone else did this with me, but I walked the walk!), focusing on the power in our center and as always, coming out of the pose if there is any undo strain. We do not develop our strength and power through pain, or force; we must be aware of how we work our body.
We then went back to our chairs and did some seated lunges with side bends and twists to help open up those psoas and side body muscles, and even the quads. After building the heat, now we wanted to start let the fire die down a bit.
Our ending sequence brought us back to where we started, sitting with our power, reflecting on our affirmations. After seeing how powerful our bodies are, I reminded everyone, always take the time to thank it, honor it, breathe. I repeated for them my affirmation which was "I am strong." Why should we resolve to be any less?
Namaste.
I could ruminate on what I don't know about why there's so much "unfairness" in capitalism, and then I could ruminate on what smarter people than I would mock about my use of the word "fair" and I can already feel the acid in my stomach churn, knowing that my feelings are so very valid, because what I intend is to express the idea of balance, not fairness, and all the over-intellectualized lessons about how one must maneuver through life by learning the rules of others' games and play them accordingly start to overwhelm and I just want to get to some sense of ease...because none of that (gesturing wildly at the words above) is particularly inspiring. It is in fact, depressing. So how might one meditate on what that "stuff" is without allowing it to overwhelm. depress. disgust. dishearten. frustrate?
Today I choose to NOT. It's that simple.
I know yoga is not about avoiding discomfort, but finding a way to acknowledge it, label it, and see how you "feel about your feelings." It's also about knowing when you've maxed out with your ability to sit with discomfort and moving into a safer space.
In the face of all that is unbalanced (note: I'm not saying unfair because there is not universal sense of fairness), it's so important to find inspiration, beauty, joy, love, something at which to marvel.
We are predisposed to remember and react to unpleasantness as a safety and survival feature. Being "content" can leave you vulnerable to, say, being eaten by a tiger. Stay hyper-vigilant, looking for problems, naysaying, and you'll always be ready for the next bad thing. But this might shorten your life span via stress-related illness, making yourself miserable, making those around you miserable, or at the very least ruin your quality of life.
So today especially I need a hot minute to BREATHE and find something pleasant to welcome into my consciousness to offset the crap that has been all too generously heaped into my pre-frontal cortex.
Conscious effort is needed, not "whooshing" (my new description of how I seem to go about many things, flitting and swooping from one project to another with very little downtime, or processing time) (see, even yogis are works in progress) onto a mat and hoping that by plopping my hands into my lap some sorta OM chanting will banish bad thoughts.
Nope, I need to do this like I promised myself, my classes. What will be the inspiration tonight? Sitting down to type this was step 1. I gave the negativity its day in court - the attention it wanted, and frankly, I'm over it. So thanks for letting me do that if you read this far. I'm typing here, slowly breathing in adn out, using this creative writing process as a mindful catharsis.
I think I need to remind myself that what's within my grasp, my sphere of influence- partner, son, dog, parents, friends, garden- I can tend with love today, and everything else, just for today, it's okay to not be able to fix.
Tomorrow maybe I'll pick something else, but today I need to Keep It Simple.
Thanks for visiting.
I joined up with a group of online friends to read and discuss books and the first one they picked was this. Even in my yoga readings somehow I had not yet taken on this collection of essays, thoughts, mindfulness-based aphorisms and meditations from renowned spiritual leader Thich Nhat Hanh (I even, humbly, googled how to properly pronounce his name and it's 'Tick Not Han').
I was not two pages into this and a feeling welled up inside me that was of simultaneous joy and sorrow, that feeling that you are going to cry but not of abject sadness, but overwhelming FULLness of emotion. It is as if my SOUL was just typed out on pages in front of me - that someone KNEW my feelings and was articulate, wise, deep, and profoundly perceptive enough to reach across time and space, and in better words than I could ever conjure, place them on pages for me to read back to myself. I'm not saying I'm anywhere as intuitive as this Zen master. I'm saying that my thoughts and feeling somehow are aligned and I'm prostrate before this small collection of ideas to the point where I cannot believe the I have never ventured to read his work before, and that somehow my little world, my little brain actually has similar ideas to that of such a great Zen master.
I've just started, but here is one poem that is included, that he shared from a friend, that struck me as particularly poignant for these times, evoking a sense of hope, while still respecting the turmoil we currently are experiencing:
I have lost my smile,
but don't worry.The dandelion has it.
You can find a copy of this amazing book in paperback for less than five dollars on Alibris or with other used book sellers. I'll be reading excerpts in online classes for the next few weeks, so consider dropping in (check the schedule and email me for the link), or just drop me an email to discuss. You can also check out https://www.patreon.com/abiscuit/posts if you want to join the fun book club but I can't tell you what else we'll be reading, I just know these are some of the best most heartfelt (and funniest) people I've met (online) and they led me to this amazing book.
This Saturday, May 16, in lieu of her postponed all day workshop, Shayna Kaufmann (https://www.embracethemiddle.com/about-shayna/) will be virtually hosting a gathering from 11-12:30 on Accessing and Using Our Inner Wisdom - something that can serve us incredibly well during challenging, unchartered times.
To sign up, use this link. https://www.eventbrite.com/e/accessing-and-exploring-your-inner-wisdom-tickets-103954603016
Attendance is free (donations are optional).
Here are some lovely words of wisdom from this wonderful speaker, therapist, meditation facilitator, and friend:
SLOW DOWN
The greatest gift you can give yourself today
is the gift of slowness. Paying attention.
As if today were the last day of your life.
As if you wanted to remember it all.
Drink it in.
Absorb the morning.
Inhale the afternoon.
And when the evening comes,
rest in its cooling embrace.
See, today:
The way the breath rises and falls.
What it feels like to have a body.
What a tension feels like. An ache.
A wave of pleasure. Hunger.
What it feels like to have hands.
To feel sadness. To feel joy.
To be alive on this day.
Drench this day in awareness, friend.
Slow down. Pay attention to the small things,
which are not small when seen
through the eyes of God.
Out of the mind, and into the Now.
Out of futures and pasts,
regrets and anticipations,
and into this alive Presence.
These are uncertain times. Uncertainty can manifest stress. We are all in this together, and yet we are being impacted in very different ways. Some have suffered financial and job loss, while others fear one. Parents feel the strain of being home with their young children 24/7, while others feel the pain of isolation. There's no escaping the effects of the pandemic; there is only choosing how to best cope.
Bonnie Tomeoni has been a yoga practitioner for over 30 years and recently completed out 200-hr Teacher Training Program. She is a certified Yoga Nidra Guide.
