Want to relax. heal and REMEMBER? Try deep breaths (in AND out)

"'Vagusstoff' [the substance released from your vagus nerve] (acetylcholine) is like a tranquilizer that you can self-administer simply by taking a few deep breaths with long exhales. Consciously tapping into the power of your vagus nerve can create a state of inner-calm while taming your inflammation reflex."

Simply put, taking some slow inhales and even slower exhales will at the very least calm you down, and at best, help reduce the body's biological markers for inflammation response. Which means, less pain, less stress, less illness.

"Healthy vagal tone is indicated by a slight increase of heart rate when you inhale, and a decrease of heart rate when you exhale. Deep diaphragmatic breathing—with a long, slow exhale—is key to stimulating the vagus nerve and slowing heart rate and blood pressure, especially in times of performance anxiety."

Breathing with focused aware (mindful) inhales and consciously slowed exhales will help realign your mind body connection, bringing you into the "yogic" place. By paying attention to the breath, you are giving your body, via vagus nerve stimulation AND being present, the opportunity to calm. With calm comes relaxation, with relaxation comes restoration.

"Recently, an international team of researchers from Amsterdam and the United States conducted a clinical trial which demonstrates that stimulating the vagus nerve with a small implanted device significantly reduced inflammation and improved outcomes for patients with rheumatoid arthritis by inhibiting cytokine production."

You read that right. Increasing vagal tone was found to create improved QOL for patients with an autoimmune condition. Cytokenes are the nasty particles that start the inflammatory response. Vagus nerve stimulation reduced the level of these chemicals in the body.

But I don't do the article justice by cutting and pasting. I know how great deep rhythmic pranayama (breathing exercises) feel. But to read that there is scientific proof to WHY the body feels better after a breathwork session, well that satisfies both sides of my brain, and my entire being as well. Thanks for reading, and much healing to all.

Read the complete article here: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-athletes-way/201607/vagus-nerve-stimulation-dramatically-reduces-inflammation

UPDATE: another article this time from neuroscience news (thank you Amy Wheeler for the references) says

Northwestern Medicine scientists have discovered for the first time that the rhythm of breathing creates electrical activity in the human brain that enhances emotional judgments and memory recall.

Read that whole article here: http://neurosciencenews.com/memory-fear-breathing-5699/

Be Free

I am not someone that likes to be in photos. Not unlike many, I am hyper-critical of the way I come across in two-dimensions, and find it hard to look with loving eyes at my self in a static form. It's when I'm moving, interacting and breathing that I feel beautiful.

But sometimes, someone is able to capture the spirit of what you feel, when you aren't worried about what you look like. When you don't worry about smiling or "smizing" or how your teeth look or whether or nor you are sucking in your belly, or how your deodorant wore off a hour before. When you are just having fun being silly, among friends, a little self conscious but encouraged to be playful.

HP Hart (Good Eye Designs), a friend who has children that attend the same school as my son, is the resident photographer at the school, and captures amazing things with her lens. She is rarely without her camera, and she has an intuition about people and their expressions that goes beyond the image...far beyond.

I chose NOT to pose for her, and she caught me a little off guard just goofing around with a scarf. The yoga here is in the joy I felt allowing her to snap a few pics while I played, while I breathed, while I was FREE. Enjoy.

On Practice and Achieving

"Yoga has always been hard for me - I get SO frustrated in some classes."
"I hate that I can't touch my toes."
"So, how long do I have to practice before I'll be able to (do some posture)?"
"What level is this class because I have been taking beginner classes for a while and I want to make sure that I'm improving so I want to get to more advanced classes."

Any of those sound like you? Or someone close to you? Or overheard in class? Yeah, probably. The thing is, we may just be "condemned" to wanting to constantly improve, hone, and perfect things we do. You may call that ego, but in some cases (like, running from predators or enhancing job skills for better wages) it may just be a function of biology, or financial survival (sociological impacts).

Regardless, trying to turn that off can be difficult, even seemingly impossible. We are raised on superlatives (big-bigger-biggest, bendy-bendier-bendiest) and comparisons (grade point averages, SAT scores, sports team stats, MPG) so it seems almost unnatural to decouple "working hard" from "working harder than I did before or someone else so I can be better and then be the best." How can you put in effort but not make it a fight? How can you be focused but not obsessed, and balance intensity with compassion?

In Yoga this is called the balance between Sukha/Sthira - effort and ease. No easy task, and it has many parallels in asana and in meditation, In poses we ground down (into the earth through whatever is making contact) while reaching up and creating space in the body. We engage agonist muscles but relax antagonist muscles. In medtiation we focus and clear the mind at the same time. We work hard but still allow the body to tell us when we need to pull back. We breathe deeply, but softly; we have thought but try not to judge or label them as they pass through our conscious mind.

We are taught to (try to) use the breath to help us do these things. Inhales call our nervous systems to action, exhales calm them down. Each breath cycle is a chance to find balance. Inhale too much and exhale too little, you are taking in too much (energy) and not releasing/relaxing enough. Inhale too shallow and exhale too much and you may be giving away to much energy, lose your stamina (and also get a little lightheaded).

A yogi friend said today "Yoga always frustrated me. But you help remind me of how to focus on what's important and I really start to enjoy my practice." The thing is, yoga frustrates me too when I practice, and a reminder from the teacher that this is not DOGMATIC practice, with information on how to change the position of my body, to help teach me how to not get frustrated and enjoy trying to find the balance of effort and ease...THAT is what makes me continue to do yoga (and revisit that teacher).

Every student is told "remember it's not about perfecting a pose." But, honestly, teachers and students alike.... do we really buy into that or do we just say it? Because (as a teachers), if it's just lip service, people know. What information do we give them to help them truly live that mantra? Do we instruct on use of props, detailed body alignment, personalized hands-on adjustments, and/or hold back from offering the hardest version, to help students unlearn the "overachieving" instinct? Do we all practice what we preach?

Do we - all of us yoga practitioners - all allow ourselves to experience a practice rather than trying to "get better" at a posture? Do we remember to breathe and integrate the breathe with your movements? Do we remember the subtleties of those fundamental poses, breathing techniques, and meditative styles that are the foundation of an honest yoga practice?

Some yogis and yoga styles are so focused on physical improvements in asana that not pushing to the limits can seem like underachieving. But consider that just showing up to the mat is an achievement of large magnitude in and of itself. Consider that staying in the room for a whole class that you didn't like to be a profound achievement in patience, respect and integrity (plus you don't have to go back). Consider not pushing yourself to fainting in a hot yoga class, and taking water and cool air breaks to be achievements in being in touch with your body. Consider just trying (and quite possibly failing) to do a difficult pose (and laughing about) it an achievement. Consider resisting the temptation to overpractice when injured an achievement. You can't achieve if you've pushed yourself to the point of dysfunction, because pushing is different from encouraging. The former creates stress. The latter comes from a place of compassion.

We all react to stress differently. Some grit their teeth and dig in. Some cry. Some get angry. Some give up. The sympathetic nervous system and one of its well known agents adrenalin create different responses in every one of us, but "less functional" responses don't make a person weak. If anything those responses are an opportunity to learn about how to engage yourself more productively, so to speak. If your practice overstimulates your sympathetic nervous system, then consider that you need to scale back to truly "get better." If your practice doesn't engage you (enough), then consider that you may need to change how and/or what you practice (or even what) to get better.

Be careful to not judge yourself or anyone else by the depth of their postures or the ease with which they performs (any asana or even meditation). Some have a natural affinity for strength, or flexibility or deep contemplation. But that doesn't make those of us who have to hone our practice more in any one area "less than" or "worse" than others. We are just different, and all practicing. Try not to perpetuate the myth that improvement is in the performance, not in the honest experience of being on the mat.

So, taking this full circle, when I practice yoga, I try very hard to be patient. To scale back a posture so that I can breathe and NOT kick my nervous system into overdrive. To remind myself that only way I can allow things to happen is if I make space for them. To (try to ) be calm, and focused, and breathing, to move intentionally and with body awareness, and not to push myself (or allow someone elses's teaching or practice to push me to). If I practice these things, then I am balancing effort and ease, and gain by letting go. In short, achieving yoga. And that is a damn good practice.

What is this Yoga Thing

Challenge question - how many of you go to a studio to practice yoga? Go ahead, raise your hand, no one is looking. But how many of you swing your body into Ashtavakrasana, or Balasana, or Tadasana (eight-bent limbed balance pose, child's pose, standing mountain) and just zone out, thinking about your job, or your grocery list, or your toenail polish, or the leaky faucet you have to fix? How many (of US) get grumpy when you have a substitute teacher? How many (of US) get upset when we fall out of tree pose, or our hamstring is too tight to allow a deep down-dog?

First and foremost I want to say one thing: swinging you body into a pose, zoning out, worrying about life, getting grumpy or frustrated - THERE is NOTHING inherently wrong with experiencing those things. That's life!

But I have to tell you something - if you experience those things but never move beyond them, never "forgive" or PAUSE or zone back in... then yeah, you're still doing ASANA but the actual YOGA... that's getting left out. If we never improve the practice beyond just moving the body, we are missing the bigger picture - the conscious activity of joining together the breath, the mind AND the body to create this cooperative experience people for 6000 years have called YOGA.

Yoga, real yoga as I'm learning it, takes patience and a jarring loose of the notion that you, and your body, and your mind will automatically know what to do, inherently succeed (if you are used to be very athletic) or dismally fail (if you are not). Real yoga, takes training, and practice, and patience, and awareness of when you ARE in a yogic place, and when you have strayed.

We (teachers) often say "come back to the breath." But what do we mean, exactly? For myself, I need to be reminded that I want to be in a place during my practice (and in life in general) where I am AWARE of my breathing and that I can control it. If I'm flowing through a sun salute and I'm panting like a down-dog on a hot summer day and falling over, you can be sure that not only am I not in control of what is happening I'm pretty unaware of it as well, and quite possibly focused on simply surviving much less "doing yoga!"

So how do we turn that moment back into yogic one? Well, how I do it may differ from what works for you, and for my son, and for my companions. But for me, just the act of realizing I'm way OUT of the moment is enough. It's a start anyway.

That my new friends, is what defines MY yogic moment. The act, the forgiveness, the awareness. The body. The mind. The breath. Not just one, but all three. The sanskrit "holy trinity" the above, the below, and what connects them.

Asana is great - a good sweat, or a good restorative posture will do a body good. And course asana is a big part (like, a third, or one of 8 limbs depending on how you slice up your Hatha pie) of YOGA in and of itself. But asana independent of awareness (aka sans mindfulness), well, that's just exercise. NOT THAT THERE IS ANYTHING WRONG WITH THAT. But if you want more, you'll need to practice. It can help to practice with teachers that also admit to being human, that understand the struggle, and offer you the space to find your path and hone your awareness.

So work on abandoning relegating this "thing" we call yoga to the category of just exercise. You may be surprised to find out it really is much much more.

Yoga Birthday Party - How To!

Last weekend I was the keynote entertainment at the birthday party of a young lady who was turning six. She and six of her friends were treated, on a VERY warm Sunday afternoon to two hours of yoga and yoga -oriented crafts that I'll detail here.

NOTE: Feel free to use my ideas...or of course, bring B'yomYoga to YOUR next kids event (or adults for that matter). Crafts can be creating custom-scented lotions like below, felt lotuses (one i can't wait to try), pipe-cleaner creations, yog-art (foam door hangers, picture frames, visors etc.), or we can even come up with something even more unique. Pricing varies according to the craft but in general a party of 10 kids for 2 hours would run about $200 (I bring the mats and all yoga tools including craft items).

Advanced prep for lotion craft

Purchased the lotion tubes with caps and apothecary bottles with dropper lids from a company in LA for a decent price well in advance).

Bought large bottles of unscented, non-animal tested lotion (this time it was St. Ives brand) and filled each of the lotion bottles about 2/3 full (while using the spillage to REALLY moisturize my arms and legs LOL).

Selected 15 different essential oils, perfumes, oil blends, etc. from my personal stock. Using perfume base  I bought from Body Time in Berkeley http://www.bodytime.com/ (though I think witch hazel might suffice) I filled the apothecary bottles most of the way full, then added two to three droppers full of any one of the oils/perfumes to provide a good dilute product. It was infinitely easier to add this to the oils rather than allow young ones to try to shake out droplets or accidently overpour a strong essential oil.

Day of event

With mats, stuffed animal eye pillows, Hoberman Sphere, kids playlist on my ipod and craft gear in tow, I headed off to the party site.

The hostess mom cleared a living room space for us and had a table set up and ready to go when I arrived.

I started by handing out the lotion bottles and a bag of foam letter stickers and asking each girl to find her initial then place them somewhere on the bottle (but not on the cap) so we could easily identify them later on.

I then passed around a handful of the dropper bottles and we talked about what each smelled like, what colors did they make us think of, what did they remind us of, etc.  To keep things simple I chose just a few I thought would be appealing to six-year olds, and also  passed around a small cup of coffee beans to cleanse their nasal palates in between scents. Some of their cute comments:

• Sweet Orange: "fruity" "sweet"
• Eucalyptus: "minty" "strong" "trees"
• Holiday (a blend from ?): "cookies" "spicy" "perfume"
• Dewberry (a scent from The Body Shop): "fruity", "a really really nice perfume on someone"
• Amber: (an oil blend I've had for years that I picked up at Whole Foods): everyone agreed this was "green and soapy clean" smelling

With a former party of 10 year olds I allowed them to carefully drop in their own scents, cautioning that more than 2 droppers were made the scent TOO strong. With 4-6 year olds, this task was best left to defter hands so I asked them one by one to hand me their bottles and let me know what scent or scents they liked. Most chose the Sweet Orange, some mixed that with the Amber, and on really wanted the Holiday. They were all so excited I couldn't help but smile as they kept opening and closing their bottle caps sniffing eagerly.

Then we gathered into a circle in the living room, held our bottles tight, and SHOOK THEM UP ALL OVER THE PLACE - over our heads, between our knees, to the left, to the right, in circles... ...this was our yoga warm up to get the wiggles out after they sat for 20 minutes discussing perfumes!

After this we put the lotions aside, and brought out the mats. I arranged the multiple colors of mats in a star patter, the inner edges of the mat overlapping due to space constraints and told the girls to choose a spot but not to worry about where they were because we were going to move around. A few protests about colors and neighbors but eventually we settled in, and took seat.

Hoberman Sphere Breathing Exercises

I started with the pranayama exercises, showing them how to do the in-thru-your-nose-out-thru-your-nose yogic breath, and then used the "breathing ball" aka Hoberman Sphere to demonstrate how the lungs inflate then deflate. They were completely absorbed in the lesson, and with quiet attentiveness they even took my suggestions to try to move the body very little, just the lungs, cultivating awareness of our breath while limited physical movement. Each girl then had a chance to lead the class in a few rounds of breathing, opening and closing the ball all on her own, while singing (if she so chose) the breathing chant. Most took me up on the offer, some just wanted to use the ball, and other politely passed altogether.

After our nice warm up we moved on to making "yoga birthday cake," an activity with spine exercises that engages the kids creativity as they come up with ingredients to mix into the "bowl" (legs in wide baddhakonasana). The best part is asking them to balance on their seats while holding their feat and moving them in circles like they are blending with a mixer, and of course showing them how to "lick the spatula" by bringing their foot close to their heads!

After we put the cake in the "oven" (we get back to the metaphor later) I introduced them to the FIVE WARRIOR PRINCESSES. Working slowly and showing them the basic body positioning I walked them through:

• Virabhadrasana 1: Princess #1 who faces forward ready to meet challenges strongly
• Virabhadrasana 2: Princess #2 who faces sideways like a surfer, guiding the others and ready to share love
• Virabhadrasana 3: Princess #3 who can fly above all looking for those that need peace
• Reverse Warrior: Princess #4 who raises her front arm as if holding a glorious trophy, proud of her accomplishments:
• Humble Warrior: Princess #5 who knows to acknowledge the gifts of others, is proud of her self but not boastful, and thanks others for their help.

We reviewed each on on the left and right sides of our bodies, and even tried some modifications like trying it on our knees or even on our bellies (for a fun version of V3). Then each girl got to pick her favorite and describe how it made her feel, then we'd all do that pose with her. The choices were varied, with two really liking the humble version because it gave them "a really good stretch" in the arms, and some liked V2 because we would do surfer arms and lean into the circle, then out of the circle like riding waves.

All throughout, whenever they complained of being too hot I would whip out my handy eucalyptus scented water in a spray bottle and mist it over the willing yoginis (taking special note to ask them to close their eyes so it wouldn't sting). This has been a FAVORITE part of all my kids yoga classes this summer. I just filled a 12 oz. bottle with filtered water, put in 10 drops of eucalyptus oil (and a few of orange too I think), shook and give them a gentle spritz! We also took plenty of water breaks.

One girl, younger than the rest, asked if it was okay if she sat out (I believe she was overwhelmed with the activity) and though she didn't physically participate, she sad quietly and watched the entire class (and even enjoyed the misting spray!).

Once the princesses (imaginary and literal) were exercised, we sat back down and "DING" the "cake" was done. A few quick abdominal exercises to pretend to pull the racks out of the oven with our feet, and then we shared the cake on our own belly picnic tables (Reverse table tap). I worked up a sweat crab-walking around the room sharing my cake with the group!



Savahhhhhhsana!



And finally, as one little girl kept asking (when is the rest time?), we worked our way towards savasana. I handed out my special rice/flax/lavender/chamomile stuffed animals and asked the girls to lay down as quietly as they could, resting their eyes and their legs and their hands. I read a a quick relaxation excerpt from a kids yoga book, and noticing they were fidgety, wrapped up quickly. Back to seated pose we went, then a sweet Namaste and it was back to our craft. The girls were sweet enough to help me roll up the mats (albeit less tidily than I needed to fit it all back into my suitcase but still, the effort was heartfelt and heartily acknowledged)

On the table I had placed two portioned plates of sea creature foam stickers, glitter square stickers, metallic butterfly and ice cream stickers, foam letters, paint pens, glitter glue pens, puffy paints and glitter paint. And some very special crystal stickers in the shape of (of course) princess crowns, hearts, and more.

My only request was that they didn't use more than 2 of the crystal stickers so that there were enough to go around. I also advised them on techniques for holding their bottles to ensure they didn't end up smearing the paint or simply covering their fingers in glitter! Other than that, their job was to just be creative and decorate their bottle in any way they wanted! They all did such a good job, deftly applying the stickers and paints and glues to create personal works of art. They were very excited to have their OWN lotion too!

The yoga entertainment portion of the party complete, the girls settled in to sing Happy Birthday, inhale some homemade chocolate cupcakes courtesy of the hosting mom, and on to the best part (for the guest of honor): OPENING PRESENTS. She did holler a quick "LOVE YOU" over the din of squeals and oohs and ahhs as I walked out the door, and I left with a smile on my face (and sweat on my brow), and love in my heart.

What's your favorite yoga class (or, moving slow doesn't come easy so I tried it)

Why? Now, what is your least favorite yoga class? Why?

I have been told and am slowing learning this: that things which you find most difficult or not desirable might be what you should explore! Trying to embrace this lesson, I brought to my yoga class this morning the ideas of moving slowly, cultivating a place of quiet, of silence...a meditative space...and one infused with non-judgement.

I am not a power vinyasa girl, but i do like to move, to challenge myself, and keep my mind busy. So practicing meditation does not come naturally for me...and therefore all the more reason to 'talk myself through it' as part of an experiment in Community Yoga this morning.

We started with a discussion of OM - what it means, what it is...what you can do with it, and what it can do for you. From there we moved to chanting OM - and new yoga people being shy, of course, i was the sole voice resonating the AUM sound - and I was happy to share my sound with the group and help them experience it.

And then, pranayama - practicing extending breath counts, evening the inhale and exhale, slowing them down consciously, and really really really going within. I found myself incredibly wrapped up in the explanation and the experience, taking my breath to a resonant cadence in an effort to embody and exemplify it for the group. And they returned the favor by emanating a wonderful sense of serenity, of being "in the moment," of trusting the experience! It was wonderful.

We started our asana practice with moving the spine in 6 directions, deep and slow, concentrating on the breath, and the range of motion of our bodies - not trying to force into a picture of a pose, but just going with what our bodies and breath were comfortable.

A little more breath work (breath of fire) while doing a low navasana (boat pose) to build some heat, then up slowly for some standing poses. We did some very slow transitions into balance poses...again, savoring the experience of it by letting the breath guide us - paying attention to which parts of our bodies we automatically allowed to become inactive and encouraging them to join the pose.

Deep Yin-style lunges helped open our hips, and then we worked our hamstrings in intense side-stretch (pyramid or parsvottanasana). From there we alternated chair pose to forward folds.

Back at the ground we sunk deeply into a savasana, communing with nature. The challenge was to be able to allow the thoughts to disperse with all the sensory distractions of being outside. We concluded savasana with a quick reading from the chapter on Pure Potentiality from Chopra's "Seven Spiritual Laws" book, and then returned to lengthening our breath counts to awaken us from our rest. 

I always like to invite comments about the experience of the class - to help me hone my teaching skills but also create and atmosphere of openness, of equality, of discourse... hearing that people were enjoying the process of noticing new things in their bodies, and even finding themselves able to really slow down and ENJOY a slow class made me feel...aglow!

So teaching this class was a particular challenge for me, working on suspending unnecessary humor, being very mindful of each soul in attendance, keeping the rhythm steady, but slow, and concentrating on the moment to moment experience rather than worrying and rushing from vinyasa to vinyasa. i found myself loving this experience more than I ever would have expected, and I gratefully thank those that came to share it with me!

Namaste!

Jackie

Tantrums and Deep Breaths, or "How I Barely Passed The Toddler Test"

The other day my 2 year, 9 month old boy had what I have written about on Facebook and reported to friends as an EPIC tantrum.

We met a friend in Old Town for some nice walking around time, hoping the boys would find the big park and shops interesting, and then we'd eat some quesadillas and enjoy some music and dancing.

Eli however had different plans. From the moment I picked him up from school he had his emotional "gain" turned to 99% and his volume matching. Ever red light elicited a "I wanna GO mommy!" from him, and every attempt I made to converse or sing was met with a screaming "NO!"

We met our friends at the transit station where we watched trolleys and Coaster trains stop and start. Undaunted, Eli (who usually LOVES to just watch them) insisted that he wanted to see OTHER trains. We walked the length of the station then finally convinced him that we were going to have FUN walking in the park.

He wanted to walk down the transit station stairs, versus simply crossing the street to the park and decided THIS was as vital as breathing. Every attempt I made to talk to him, to get him to take a deep breath, to relax, to reason with him was met with a "BUT MOMMY NOOOOO I WANT TO GO THAT WAY!"

Finally we made our way to the park. As we meandered left, Eli decided he wanted to wander right. We'd go right, then he'd run across the grass left. My friend's sweet young boy placidly watched Eli winding up for what would turn out to be the mother of all fits, and I tried to calmly reason (HA) with him, also trying to NOT be embarrassed that I had this emotional firework of a child on this particular day (which of course implied I was a horrible permissive and negligent parent).

We found the toy store in the mercado and I had to convince Eli that it was something he'd want to see. He did fairly well sharing the small train display toys they had set up, and after 15 minutes we decided it was time to (he was getting more ornery so I thought he MUST be hungry).

The shop worker was on board with our cues, telling the boys to park the trains in the shed so they could sleep, and that the store was going to close.

And then....as sure as I type this...it began. I saw it happening. Eli's body was leaving, but his mind was not going to let it go. He stomped NO, hung on the door jamb, and then starting the HOWLING. We didn't get 10 feet out the door when the screaming NO NO NO NO began. I spoke calmly to him, trying to redirect the negative energy saying we were going to get a quesadilla (one of his favorites) with our friends, and milk or juice, at the restaurant. But "NO I WANT TO GO TO THE THOMAS STORE" was all he could say. Over and over and over.

I had him park his but on (near) a park bench, and told him we needed to talk a few deep breaths. I was proud of myself for just keeping it cool and steady. Normally this works, but not today. The tears were flowing, the nose was running, the drool was ..um...drooling and he was not to be soothed. I thought maybe I would just model deep breaths and he'd catch on. More "NO!" and now the piercing screams. Old Town tourists were a mix of laughing, staring, ignoring, and in one case VIDEO-TAPING (WTF?) the scene. The Mexican dancers and music distracted him for a moment, and then he continued.

I said "Eli, if you stop crying we can stay and play with your friend. If you don't we have to leave." Eli said "NO NONONONON I WANT....(train store, thomas, etc.). I looked helplessly at my friend and her bewildered son, and said "We have to go." She nodded in understanding.

I picked up Eli and thankfully he was no longer thrashing (so I didn't have to worry about dropping him.Strangely enough he was okay with being carried, but the screaming NO and piercing animal-like screams kept coming, all through the park, out the pathway in, down the transit stairs, through the tunnel where the busker was busking (I mouthed "Sorry" as we walked by...), up the stairs, across the station, into the far parking lot and all the way to the car. His tune had changed to "I WANT TO SEE MY FRIEND" rather than "TRAINS" so he did at least understand the basic situation.

I opened the car door as he continued as his face was wet, red, and still scrunched in anger, and then he SPIT. Poorly, towards the car, and all over himself, but still, he SPIT. Twice. I was mad, but then I laughed when I saw the spittle all over his face. I told him, "Ok, now when we get home you have to get in your jammas and go to bed. We do not spit and we talked about the screaming already. You know why we left."

No attempt at deep breathing helped him but I said "Well I"M going to take some to make ME feel better." And they did. (for everything except the pain in my bladder because I had to go the whole time he was throwing his fit and carrying his 30+ pounds a couple of blocks didn't help).

I snapped him into his car seat and somehow through the screaming was able to find my way out of the parking lot and back onto the freeway (after texting my friend I"M SO SORRY).

Now he asked for his comfort - a drink (milk, juice, water, etc.). And I had NOTHING to offer him (was going to fill up his cup at the restaurant). I calmly said "Honey, we don't have anything in the car but as SOON as we get home you can have milk." Something clicked, because then he started to repeat "Mommy, when I get home I can have my milk?" He stuck with THAT phrase and alternated it with "Mommy, tomorrow I can see my friend?"...

My concern at this point was so much more about his obsessive screaming and repetition of phrases than being embarrassed or angry. In fact, I wasn't angry at all - I just felt BAD he worked himself up SO much and was SO insistent on staying mad that there was NOTHING I could do.

Once we got home, I gave him a glass of milk (chocolate soy), which is DOWNED in short order, and a pile of pretzels, which he practically inhaled. (hunger was part of the cause, no doubt).

I said "when you are done with your snack we are going to talk" to which he responded "No, no talk." I laughed and said "OH YES."

Which we did. And surprisingly, when I asked him "Do you know why we left the park" he said "I was screaming"...that alone gave me back my hope that behind the fury was still my sweet boy. We chatted more, recapping the events and trying to take a positive spin, and the night went on. He actually had a HORRIBLE night sleeping (up every 2 hours to drink another glass of "milk") but on Tuesday my easy going kid was BACK.

At the very least, I maintained a calm demeanor and did NOT get angry at him - I had a yoga moment of severe empathy for the frustrated toddler (in all of us) and somehow, somehow, it all came back to 'normal'...

Pain, pleasure and everything in between: lessons of injury

Last week I injured what I believe to be my left side iliacus muscle (part of the ilio-psoas group). It's the big one that lines the inside of your pelvis and connect down to your leg to help you do things like lift your leg (you know, nothing major LOL). I seem to have overdid my pedaling in a spin class last week, and furthered in the injury trying to pick up Eli while twisting to the right. Bad idea (I actually felt something TWANG inside). I spend Saturday night to Sunday morning flat on my back, and started a regimen of ibuprofen, white willow bark, arnica tablets, tiger balm (and 1/2 prescription painkiller tablet every 4 hours, to a total dose of 2).

Because of the nature of how this muscle works, standing upright actually felt better than trying to be sitting (or trying to maneuver between sitting, standing and laying down). So the four hours I spent cooking Hamantaschen Sunday AM (with the medication as assistance) actually HELPED.

I tell you all this because what I found was this was an exercise in patience and body awareness that seldom I (we?) have a chance to experience. I spent quite a bit of time moving my leg around slowly through different ranges of motion, trying to feel exactly where the pain would go, what would feel like it gave release, and what other movements affected the discomfort.

If you aren't sure where this muscle is, I can explain by saying that if you have ever felt low back pain but it wasn't on your back side (posterior), but it felt more like INSIDE or on the FRONT, and lifting your leg gave you a bit of a tummy ache AND hurt your back, then you probably have experienced an injury to the iliacus or the psoas or both (ill-ee-A-kus and SO-az).

It also gave me a chance to peruse my yoga anatomy book with personal interest :)

Today I took a lovely pilates/yoga class that gave me a chance, after healing for a couple days, to try to test and strengthen that sore muscle. What I found was that with injuries, there is no "powering through" - and there is no "giving up" either. I had to breathe deeply (in fact at points all I heard WAS my breathing), and pay VERY CLOSE attention to what caused discomfort and what actually caused pain. I also discovered that not only was there pain, but significant weakness as a result of injury, and the body putting energy into healing, rather than expressive power (in stronger poses).

We did a very theraputic series  I would call Sunflower with the kids, where you have a wide legged stance with knees bent, and you inhale and bring your arms up and straighten your legs, then exhale, sweeping arms down and bending knees as deep as you can until your bottom is close to level with your knees. When you inhale, you bring IN the good: happiness, health, sunshine, pleasure, love. When you exhale, you release what does not serve you: pain, mistrust, anxiety, doubt. I like to try to come up with new words each time In bring in the breath and let it release. It's the writer in me, flipping through a mental thesaurus and actually drinking in the words, then letting the others go, letter by letter, as if in a cartoon.

This morning's experience of yoga moreso brought me through the range of sensations and emotions worthy of any therapy session: pain and pleasure, calm and anxiety, stress and release, strength and weakness, impatience and patience, openness and retreat. I left not feeling exhausted and not feeling (artificially) exhilarated. Just calm, normalized, and aware that I still need to be patient and loving toward my body so that can continue to perform for me for years to come.

Children can't express their emotions in the same words as we can; they are more apt to "act out" when excited or angry, or even in pain. What we can do for them in yoga is let them know it's a practice to help your body feel GOOD, so if it hurts, don't do it. Feel strong, take a break when you don't. Love yourself and believe in your own ability to heal.

Sounds basic, but yet I have found as a 'grown up' i do forget those lessons. And this injury has brought me back to the fundamentals. So, even though I was (am?) upset about my restricted movement, I have to respect the lesson that is being conveyed.

Deep Breaths

Two days in a row my toddler affected me in the most profound way. Two days in a row he was behaving impish - you know, toddler stuff...yelling, being indignant, thrashing while I tried to change/dress him. Two days in a row I growled (idle) threats at him of severe corporal punishment and days worth of time-outs. And two days in a row, he sat up, looked at me wide-eyed, and said "Deep Brefs...Deep Brefs," and waited for my response.

Which was, initially, to stare in surprise. Then, to do exactly as suggested. And wouldn't you know it? It worked.

I'm still unsure if he meant HE should take the deep breaths, or I should, but still, it was the exact right thing to suggest and do.

Since the day he was able to understand what a breath was I have tried to teach him to take a few deep ones when he is crying, or frustrated, or angry. It at the very least breaks the anxiety cycle and allows us to communicate about the problem. I don't remember the lesson for myself often enough when not on my mat. So with his 28.5-month wisdom, my little Virgo has reaffirmed his guru status for me, for my yoga.

They listen, they hear and understand even when we think they don't. Teach your children well, and they will do the same for you!

Autumn Yoga Activites

Now that even San Diego is steeped in the spirit of Fall (rain, days below 70, russet and gold leaves blanketing every outdoor surface), it follow suit that our yoga should reflect this time of coming (more) inward, but still remaining aware of the earth around us.

I thought about collecting fall leaves before a class and having each child pick out one that resonates (though I'd use the word "one you like"). Then we'd hold the leaves, feel the texture, recognize the colors, maybe see if they had scent...are they brittle, or still a little pliable? We could use our breath to move the leaves on the mat and see how powerful our breath can be. With this exercise I need to remember to not have them do a lot of powerful exhales in a row as this can leave (many of) us a little lightheaded (though kids might enjoy that feeling, with the explanation that letting out too much breath too fast can make you feel less balanced).

Then we could start with tree pose, holding our leaves, then letting them go and seeing if we could hold our tree strong and still even while our gaze 'fell' with the leaves. And then, the fun begins. WE would be the leaves, falling slowly, spiraling around the room, drifting up and down, letting the wind carry us, and eventually coming to rest on our own mats in child's pose, taking a few calming breaths after our journeys.

Another activity would be to do leaf rubbings with thin paper, an assortment of leaves and some nice unwrapped crayons (the fat ones made for smaller children would work really well). That would allow to really intergrate the sense of the leaf texture, and allow them to have a keepsake of their yoga experience.

For savasana (or a brief rest if it can be incorporated) I could speak about leaves gently falling from a tree to rest on the soft ground, perhaps if there is time, falling into a stream of water, floating effortlessly along in the slowly setting sun...that might be nice guided imagery.

It's also nice to teach them, esp. during awakening after savasana, how to generate their own heat by rubbing their hands fast fast fast fast fast.... then placing them over their eyes that might still not be ready to open, and feel the warmth.

Breath in through your nose...

When I bring out the Hoberman Sphere (aka the Breathing Ball), all eyes (and sometimes hands) gravitate my way.... this large collapsing sphere is a fantastic tool for illustrating how we open our insides for breath, then constrict our muscles to release. It's almost natural to start breathing IN and OUT as the sphere opens and closes.

We sing the song "Breath IN through your nose...Breath OUT through your nose...." slowing down or speeding up as needed.

Even little Eli (who was the first in class to crawl INTO the sphere!) understands the connection between the ball and the breath, even at 25 months. Often when he's upset I'll just sing the "breath in" song and depending on his mood he'll follow along with the breath. Sometimes, if he just wants to be upset (and, heaven knows, we all have that feeling sometime) as soon as I start to sing, he wails "Noooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!"

But I know the simple trick is to just say "okay, let's just take a deep breath" and sure enough, he'll inhale through his nose, then actually do an energy releasing mouth exhale. And voila, the crying is abated even just for a moment. People have looked at me slack jawed when they see this little boy doing a deep breathing exercise, long before the notion of what "breathing in and out" really means....

I'd like to think that all that yoga I did while pregnant has ingrained some things into his little spirit. But truth be told, it's me RE-learning that taking a deep breath is a sure fire way to break the stress cycle, and passing that on actively to my little punkin' that has worked.

For classes where passing around a $40 "toy" is not possible, I like to do the pretend breathing ball exercise. I show them how it works, and ask them to imagine that they have one inside of them. Then we put our hands in front of us, cupped with fingers wide, making our OWN little breathing ball, that we can open and close on our own. We can close our eyes and REALLY imagine we are holding a ball. We can go around the room and ask "what color is YOUR breathing ball?" - we can open it just a a little, for puppy breaths, or a LOT for big balloon breaths (check out YogaKids for more on Balloon Breath).

And, not surprisingly, after giong through any breathing exercise with the families and children, I too always feel a sense of calm, groundedness, and health. Brain, Body, Breath - united.